mobman47

Well,
on the way back from washington d.c. (the second flight, after we had landed in some other state) it was a long flight and I had alot of time to think. Well, I did alot of thinking about me and cherina and I hope that we can maybe stay together for a long time, cause you know, I want a long meaningful relationship with someone. Now this brought me to some strange other thoughts that it just isn't going to work, and that I should break up with her. But I don't want to. and those thoughts lead to my mental health :/. In cartoons, you see the little angelic side of a person resting on their shoulder while you see their little demonic side resting on the other shoulder and they are always bickering. Well I dunno if everyone is like that but thats what its always like in my head. but the strange thing about it is that I consider myself the good side and I try to keep the bad side of me locked away. and it drives me crazy. I've always refered to my dark side in my storys, like all the things I want to do but I try to keep myself from actually doing. I find it easier just to let those feeling out onto paper. one of the biggest times where I really had an urge in the back of my mind to murder I vented that out into a story called "Junxingtons Apartment" which was a short story about a man that snaps when he was left a messege on his answering machine from a girl who he had an affair with and the his son almost heard that messege. So to keep anything like that from happening again he went over to her appartment and he murdered her very brutally. His mind started to play games with him just like in the tell tale heart. Well, my dark side is not refered to in violence, but I've formed it (or him) into characters. my dark side has two names, Ace and Johnny. Why I named it those two names I don't know. But when I thought about all the things with ace it suddenly refered to me I'm always carrying a ace of spades in my wallet. Why I carry it I don't know O.o. I don't ever remember putting it in there in the first place but I just leave it there. Ya, I'm just gonna get it out there. I call my dark side Ace. He has a name. He can be really fucked up sometimes. Its like a split personality, parts of him are let out that I can't keep out :/. This one time, a kid hit me and I blacked out. But I found out that I didn't black out but I kicked the shit out of him and didn't remember. maybe it was my dark side? I dunno. It scares me a whole lot cause just admiting this to you all is going to make me sound like I'm insane and thats something I fear very much for myself and what everyone else thinks. I do NOT want to be insane. I dunno what it is that's making me this way. I just wish the dark side in me would just die.

Update

Alright, well.
Whatever.
just typing up cause I fell I should for peoples amusement.
well...
hmm...
lately I've been a bit "kooky" I guess you can say.
Oh, and by the way, I think I should let everyone know I'm dabbling in Satanism.
if you have a problem with that then deal with it.
and if you can't deal with it then you don't have to know me.
A lot of people are lead to believe that Satanism means I have to worship Satan.
Satan is basically just a mascot for the religion, we don't actually worship him.
if you have any questions about it then just do some research.
one of my favorite rules is "Give your sympathy to those who need it".
Someone blowing their life away on drugs because they can't COPE with life? let them.
Don't give them fucking sympathy, they chose that road.
I mean fucking hell, I know someone who has had to deal with the death of a few of her friends.
and she's never even thought about drugs or taken a sip of alcohol.
she is my hero.
and she will always be in my heart for that, I with things like that would never have happened to her and her friends.
So anyways, besides my little rant about my beliefs, life is going pretty well.
There are the little shit storms every once and a while.
Like that girl I mentioned, I haven’t been talking to her as much, which makes me sad.
cause our friendship feels like its slowly deteriorating more and more every day.
I wish Cathy was on right now.
she’s fun to talk to at like 3:00 in the wee morn'n.
and I'm not doing that fantastic in some of my classes (but I don't have F's thankfully).
Hmm... what else.
well, something that makes me happy is that disturbs new album comes out in 2 days ^_^!!
That new song, "Stricken" is stuck in my head and I'm listening to it right now.
I feel like an Empath lately too.
Meaning that I basically only feel alive from other peoples emotions.
Like a major factor of this is me being a caretaker.
The seems to make me feel a bit “alive”.
Rest of the time I just feel dead and cold.
That is, unless, my own emotions start stiring up.
And sadly, happiness is something I can not experience by myself.
People say you can make yourself happy.
Well fuck that cause its not the case for me.
I can only make myself hate and angry.
I'm capable of other emotions too... they just aren't as strong.
Two emotions that aren’t the real crowd pleaser.
I can only achieve happiness from draining it from another person.
Love is something I can not take though.
Love is something that was taken from me.
And I don’t think that I can ever love again…
Someone?
Please?
Prove me wrong…?

Alright well, I've been thinking more about life. I've been thinking of teh possible things I can do when I get out of school, like what careers I can go into. I've always loved writing but I procrastinate and never finish any of my stories so it might not work. Then theres forensic science, I think I might do well in that, I mean I know alot about dead bodies...I mean... not like I've had past experience... *drifts off*. Then theres on I'm considering deeply cause I think it would fit me. Not it may seem out there but ya, Think I might join the FBI. of course it's not going to be an easy task, but I think I'm willing to work towards it. It even has Forensic Science in it too, from what I researched I need the following...

Accounting/Finance (Accounting/Finance Degree/CPA/or at least 2 years relative work experience)
Computer Science or other Information Technology specialties
Engineering
Fluent in a Foreign Language
Intelligence Experience
Law Experience
Law Enforcement or other Investigative Experience
Military Experience
Science (such as Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, Biology, Nursing, Bio-chemistry, Forensics, Medical Specialties, etc.)

so as I see it, I can't join into the FBI soon because the age requirement is atleast twenty-seven. So I may be going to college, taking all the neccesary classes. Then I'll join the millitary as an officer, while tehre I might be Millitary Police for law enforcement. Or maybe I could just look up on the internet right now to see if theirs some sort of FBI academy for this kind of stuff :P. Its tough, but maybe I can do it, if I can't I'll just fall back onto the writing.

I'm back
and I roll with satan.
so watch what you do.
or I might have to give you the curse of "The Burning Tree".
and trust me
That ain't a fun curse.
ask paul.

So ya, this years goals are to
1. Mantain good grades
2. Drive
3. try and get a level 60 on WoW
4. Get a girlfriend that I can stay with for a long time and won't
a. Cheat on me
b. Lie to me
c. Won't have past feeling for ex-boyfriends >=(
5. Get a fucking job
6. Learn how to make websites, cause I never paid attention last year in web design and now I'm in advanced and have no idea what the fuck I is doing niggers!


Alright, so heres the basic break down of life. I made a few new friends, two of the coolest being breanna and khelsie. I've made up with alaina, kelsie, and kim so now we are all good. I still have no life. I listen to metallica alot still. I still be playing video games. me and paul had a bit of a... I dunno, argument I suppouse, but now we are good again. I'm having trouble writing now. I mean, my skill is still good but I'm having trouble thinking of ideas and having the time to write because my school work gets in the way. thats anotehr thing, last friday I had about 10 assignments due the next day >=(. It was fucking crazy. that it turned out that the "reading log" for english wasn't even due that day cause I had reseved false information!!1!one So I basically came up with 15 entrys all in one night. I geuss thats out of the way now but still -_-. I'm still pleasently plump in the booty. I plan on working on that. Thought I'd share.

Buns of steel <3

I can't wait for the mcdonalds to come out so I can get fatter! I still go to java linas on the ocasion. I need to get out more. I made about 4-5 new characters on Def Jam: fight for NY and maked them out already. I still play ninja gaiden. and I feel like making a list of likes and dislikes so you all know.

Likes
* I love guitar
* I like video games
* I love writing stories
* I love Metallica
* I love girls :P (preferably good looking ones...)
* I like horror
* I like Stephen King
* I like Bret Easton Ellis
* I like American Psycho
* I like metal music
* I like reading
* I like the books "War of the Ancients", "American psycho", "Joey the Hitman", "Harry potter" (all 6), "The Green Mile", and "Speed of darkness"
* I like watching Movies
* I love the movie "Green Mile", was sad as hell.
* My favorite shows are "The Sopranos", "Six feet under", and "Oz"
* I like vampires, zombies, and anything else that’s undead.
* I like the name "Kasimir"
* I like World of Warcraft <3
* I love all my friends
* I like cheese its
* I like it when people IM on AIM (Soldierboy572)
* I like my money (The little that I have)
* I like reading about Serial Killers
* I like to dissect girls
* I like Goths cause I kinda am one

Dislikes
* I hate punks
* I also hate preps (most of them, there’s exceptions)
* I hate hypocrites
* I dislike people who change for others
* I hate people who don't support out country. How would you feel if you went into a war fighting for your country when the people your fighting for don't even support you?
* I hate people who bitch about the government. Life sucks, get used to it.
* I hate people who don’t stand for the pledge/anthem. Your lucky that you have the freedom to do that because you would be arrested, maimed, or killed in any other country.
* I hate people who think their better then everyone else
* I hate people who act like something they are not
* I hate show offs
* I hate a lot of people
* I hate how like more then half of my school if filled with sluts
* I hate how everything revolves around sex
* I hate how MTV doesn't play music. How FUCKING retarded.
* I hate how people feel sympathy for stupid assholes/bitches. Give your sympathy to someone who deserves it.
* I hate you (JAY KAY!!!!!!!, :P)
* I hate how women say I'm "too nice" when I ask them out when that’s what they told me they wanted.
* I hate what women have turned into today
* I hate how innocent people die. People that desearve it should die instead.
* I hate how I'm scared that I'm gonna go psycho
* I hate panic attacks
* I hate the fear of death
* I hate how people make such a big deal out of things that aren't really that big of a deal.
* I hate bullies (cause its shit like that that causes school shootings)
* I hate how my guitar is currently fucked up and that my amp is shit.
* I hate how I'm slowly becoming poor
* I hate how mrs. molina doesn't tell the class when shit is suppouse to be turned in.
* I hate that after like a week of playing a character on WoW I get bored of it and make another one. highest level I've gotten to is 23 out of a possible 60.
* I hate people who lie
* I hate gangsters (also, theres a couple of exceptions)
* I hate people who talk shit about my cloths. you don't see me walk up to some prep wearing pink and telling him "You look like a fag"
* I hate how bad things happen to good people
* I hate cheaters
* I hate women who tell me casually "I'm horny", seriously, I'm your friend, like I care if your horny or not.
* I hate how I seem to only be attracting alot of sluts. (Unless theres some good girls that I don't know that like me)
* I hate people who say they hate hate. you can't hate hate you dumbass.
* I hate people who whore off friends on myspace
* I hate how people have like 700 friends and don't talk to 3/4's of em.
* I hate how I hate how my hate list is longer then my like list. It just shows how much of a hater I am.

and no paul, some of that stuff that may seem like it was aimed toward you, wasn't, I just don't like those kinda people in general. I still love ya, and if you leave me an angry comment, well, I might just have to burn your soul <3.

Well i went to bed at like maybe 6:00 this morning and woke up at 9:30 for breakfast :P. We went to some country breakfast place called cracker barrel and it was pretty good. I had choclated chip pancakes and bacon ^_^. then me, my dad, and my nephew went down to teh post off so i could mail laurah her gift and it took a while since we (and the post office girl) were trying to figuire out how to write the adress :P. We learned that we can't write UK we HAVE TO right United Kingdom. how lame. Then, the highlight obviously, we drove back into rita ranch and on the way home I saw alaina. At first I saw her from a distance and kinda hoping it was her for some reason unknown and then when we drove by i was looking at her and she was looking at me with that like cold "I hate you" stare. Then like when we fully passed i had difficulty breathing and i got dizzy and natious. now i'm home and I'm alright but ya...
c ya

You are an
assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your
job without mixing any emotions in it. In your
life you have probably been hurt many times and
have gotten some mental scars. This results in
you being distant from people. Though many
think that you are evil, you are not. What you
really are is a person, trying to forget your
pain and past. You are the person who never
seems to care and that is why being an assassin
fits you good. Atleast, that's what people
think. Even if you don't care that much for
your victims, you still have the ability to
care and to generally feel. It is not lost,
just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to
not get to noticed, and dress in black or other
discrete colours. You don't being in the
spotlight and wish people would just leave you
alone. But once you do get close to someone you
have a hard time letting go and get real down
if you loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around
us to keep out the sadness also keep out the
joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

Alright well to fill everyone in on "precious life" this is what has been going on. There was some confilct between me and alaina over something completly fucking stupid (a cupcake) and because it was I coulden't take it anymore and decided to break off everything with her. I mean i already had past time issues and reasons for it so don't assume i would really just end a friendship over a treat. So I sent her a letter (polite and reasonable one) that it would be best if we didn't talk to each other anymore and she sent a pretty mean one back but now i don't really care much for it. So today I went out to best buy and got me a pretty good cd player ( it has no base though =( ) and then we went to borders to look for any magizine i could possibly submit stories too but found no such thing, which also sucks =(, but I picked up a "Publishing for dummys" book which will mabye help. Then I came home and invited paul, will, and adrian over and we played super smash bros. melee. by the way, your not cool if you don't play that game. its the new shit. we are fucking XTREME!!!!!! i pulled some cool shit in it today =). Paul picked up a bomb and intended to throw it at my face (he was samus i was mario) and i was standing next to adrian (jigglypuff....pussie) and I ducked and it hit adrain in teh face =D! It was funny and slick because i almost lost my face and i fooled him, the only downside was that adrain died and paul got a point. The only good thing though is how cool I was lol. They are probably going to be coming over...today (its like 12:50 so it would be today) and we are probably going to play it again. That game is so fun because the possibilitys of whooping ass never ends. Um....what else.... oh yeah. I hope I'm doing better in school cause if i don't i will have to go to summer school OR be retained and I don't want to be left behind as all my friends go on with out me. It's like leaving little jimmy in nam'.

Here

I’ll be waiting for
The day I’m not ignored
By the way that I see
If she knew me she would flee
This is why I wait
Hopes that someone could relate

This is why I lie
My heart’s to cold to cry
I wish I wasn’t here
I wish this life would disappear

To helpless to decide
From anger deep inside
With this newfound fear
I wish my life would disappear

Fear!
Fear!
I wish I wasn’t
Here!
Here!
I wish I wasn’t here!

So here I lie, I wait
for my pain to dissipate
This pain here I bear
Is because no one cares
I don’t know why I pray
waiting for life to go away

This is why I lie
My heart’s to cold to cry
I wish I wasn’t here
I wish this life would disappear

To helpless to decide
From anger deep inside
With this newfound fear
I wish my life would disappear

Fear!
Fear!
I wish I wasn’t
Here!
Here!
I wish I wasn’t here!
I wish I wasn’t here!
I wish I wasn’t here…

Well well well....I'm listening to my crossfade cd (The Deep End) I'm just kinda sitting around. I think I might actully put some effort back into any of the 3 stories i started =P. I'm bored so i beleive I'll tell yall about them. #1 "Of Blood and Darkness" this is basicly an underground civil war between three familys of vampires, the trechalavachala, the gounci, and the holiunano. You obviously can't pronounce many of thoses so ya. #2 "13" a horror story about a army officer returning home from the war on terrorism but on ethe flight home he falls asleep and wakes up in an weird world where a man in a smiley face mask wants him to snuff out thirteen dangerous convicts or else he's going to kill his entire family. and finnaly #3 "Juxington's Apartment" which is a short story which is almost finished but needs some more work. Its basicly a very short murder story about how far some men will be willing to go in order to keep their power. after I'm done with it I'm going to submit it to a magizine. Well now onto the shitty part of the entry, life. Well, things are going so good for me. I might have to take sumemr school cause I probably flunked that history test in mrs.gilberts class. And I really don't want to take the finals. Love life is shitty, haven't found anyone since lana yet. Mabye if i wasent such a empty shell mabye i would have by now. As i was explaining to cathy tonight, I have absolutly no feeling sometimes and it sucks. I am just simply not there. Recently I saw a strange group on myspace. It was like specificly for psychos. It has pictures of dead bodys and everything. It sorta bothered me why these people found that intresting but now I kinda don't care. Dead bodys haven't really grossed me out as much ever since I watched one of the beheading vidoes of some inocent person getting their head sawwed off while they were still alive. It was really gorss because of the fact that their neck was basicly a big bloody clump of meat (sorry for putting that image in your head). You can watch one of the vidoes if you want to and if you have a strong stomach but i strongly don't recommend it. Well, I beleive I'm gonna go "chill" now. see yall.

Update

this is random but you know you can't resist my teddy bear in uniform =P

Video code provided by MusicVideoCodes.com

anyone know how i can put pictures in?

Soldierboy572: howdy
Sportschic5487: hey
Soldierboy572: whats up
Sportschic5487: have u finished ur story?
Sportschic5487: just wrking on my story..wellstarting it lol
Sportschic5487: :-\
Soldierboy572: the one kim was reading?
Sportschic5487: the one n english
Soldierboy572: oh
Soldierboy572: no
Soldierboy572: thats due tuesday huh?
Soldierboy572: hello?
Soldierboy572: dont tell me kims grounded now

Sportschic5487: no she isnt
Sportschic5487: she is at kelsie party
Soldierboy572: she wasent on last night either though
Sportschic5487: i was with her at her art dinner till 11`
Sportschic5487: !
Soldierboy572: no need to yell
Sportschic5487: omg nathen i wasnt freaking yelling
Soldierboy572: you need to chill cause im just messing with you
Soldierboy572: 1.we are on teh internet so you can't yell at me
Sportschic5487: BYE!!!!! >:o I AM COMP. YELLING NOW!

im freaked out
i tried to sleep but i woke up scared to death
i dreamed of my story, a reinactment of it
every little detail i discribed in it (the one with the bloody women) was in it
not only that but there were other things too
I dreamed that i was in my kitchen, its pitch black outside and im staring at the open window, i start to walk slowly over to it so i can close it cause of the cold wind blowing inside but the womans head appears in my window suddenly
her skinned face scared me but her eyes gave me chills to the bone
When i woke up i went into the kitchen for something to eat and it turns out that my dad left the window open and it also turned out to be pitch black outside
i dident go anywhere near that window
i walked back to my room and i swear my bathroom door starting to creek like SOMEONE was behind it, i ran into my room cause by this point i was scared shitless, i thought i saw something, it was like a quick flash of light over my bed, i thought it was a bug but what kind bug glows white, am i losing it? this is freeking me out.

lets play name those bands or singer =D !!!
1. hey, im your life, im the one who takes you there, hey, im your life im the one who cares, they, they betray im your only true friend now, they, they betray im for ever there, im your dream, make you real, im your eyes when you can't steal, im your pain when you can't feel, sad but true

2. like a cat in heat stuck in a moving car, a scary convorsation shut my eyes can't find the break, what if they say your a climber?

3. you thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way, your wrong if you think that i'll be just like you!

4. you look at me, but you dont see, raise your hands your a sinner

those are the only ones i can think of currently so ya...

ok so im "chill'n" as my gangster homie's would say
i want my next yu yu hakisho dvd now -_- the last one was pretty funny i feel like giving a small summeray now so i shall
uskie (i dunno how to spell their names, kuwabara, and botan watch this video tape discribing their next mission where they have to go save this girl and blah blah blah so after a episode or 2 they make it into the manshion and are faced by this girl =O! kuwabaras like "i can't fight a girl its against my code! come on urimishe (uskie) lets walk by her" and she gets alll offended and urimishe says he will fight her anyways and shes like ok then they like jump back away from each other giving each other space and then she said something like "theres no rules" and urimishe said something back then they jump at each other in one of those quick flashes then land and shes like "YOU PERVERT!" and kuwabaras like "huh?" then she pulls out a strand of her hair and makes a noose and chokes urimishe with it and kuwabara relizes that when urimishe and the girl jumped at each other that urimishe grabbed her titties (lol it was funny to see cause they jiggled like jello) and kuwabara says urimishe deseavres to be choked. then some more fighting goes on and urimishe gets the best of her and keeps hitting her and then he also explains that something dident feel right so he checked downstairs too when he jumped at her and in his words "the family jewels have not been stolen"
i thought it was pretty funny atleast...
everything else has been going ok, i wanted to go see a movie but paul dosent feel like seeing one so i geuss im just gonna sit her some more today and pick my ass and such. i want all my video games back because like i said im VERY VERY bored.
ok well im done now so see yall later

ok today is boring. I had no school today or yesterday because of rodeo day (its like arizonas snow day) and none of my friends dont feel like doing anything or are already doing something so i am forced to sit and watch sopranos all day and play final fantasy tactics advace (that game is addicting as hell, my dude is so cool) so ya, i need to continue writing my story cause...well i just need to, i hate leaving storys unfinished. YAY! i just got my yu yu dvd! WHOO HOO. it was like 5 days late, blockbuster.com sucks big hairy balls, little fuckers. i gonna go watch it now, bye.